Seven thousand three hundred days ago, my daughter Kai Ana was born. She is 20 years old today. When did she begin to exist? 40 weeks before her birth date while I was pregnant? That would be 7,510 days, or before that when we had an intention of wanting a second child? Or when I was a young girl knowing deep in my heart that someday, I would have a daughter? I feel I'm with Kai today even though we are separated by over a thousand miles. I feel an immense sense of gratitude to my mother and father for laying a foundation for me to have grown a family. To my courageous and strong grandmothers, whom I never met in person, but whose blood flows through me and to my ancestors from Japan to whom I am deeply connected to through blood, bones, history, and rich culture. So although Kai is over a thousand miles away, I look up at the sky, notice the clouds roll in as the sun sets and take a deep breath, she's right here.
I feel connected to the earth, the sky, the rain and all conditions that created Kai. My teacher, Thay says, as parents, we are participants in our children's lives. What a lovely way to remember. I am a participant in the front row of her life. No grasping, no holding, just knowing that she is within me and I'm within her. There is no separation and I am hugging her right now.
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| Probably 7 years ago and today. No separation. |
