The Perfect Gift

Looking inward, when we can bring our full attention to another, to listen to and share our joys and happiness, sorrows and ah-ha moments, we give each other the bounty and fullness of love and affection. When we listen with our whole body, all of our senses, without interruption from our devices, we are sharing our life force energy and luminous hearts with one another.

As I age, the glory and drudgery of holiday shopping is more superficial, stressful, less personal. Once in awhile, I do enjoy finding the perfect gift I think a loved one will appreciate but not on a timetable and in an arena that bombards the senses and unnecessarily separates me from the true essence of thoughtful giving. 

This life we have is short and sacred and the best gift won't be found under a tree in a beautiful box adorned with pinecones and juniper.  It will be the precious time we have together, sharing our life stories and our experiences. It will be wrapped in the warm and soft embrace of listening, touching, hugging, laughing, and crying.

Perhaps we can spend time together savoring a winter sunset or sit in the living room sipping hot cups of tea. We can nourish each other in a way that is everlasting and create a memory that can penetrate deep into our hearts. 

I'm carving out more time, instead of igniting the well traveled path of consumption,  to arrange more dates with friends to enjoy each other's breath, company, and radiance. 


I think this is the ultimate way to show how much you mean to me.

b i g

It was just after sunrise when I began to contemplate the term continuation. A little realization woke me up that grew to be quite b i g.  It came down to breath, impermanence, and gratitude.

 Thich Nhat Hanh says "we are a lovely continuation of our parents, our ancestors, our lineage, our teachers, and loved ones. If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people."

 I understand continuation when it comes to birthdays, births, and weddings; happy occasions. But when someone I love, someone our family loves, dies suddenly, leaves her body-I’ve been learning to practice how to pivot from a well worn pattern of the life/death paradigm to that of no birth, no death.

We’ve accepted this dualistic way of thinking that creates a great divide with a host of feelings around loss.  Here in body, physically, not here physically. Alive, not alive. -as if everything was only real when our loved ones were here in the physical manifestation and that they somehow cease and disappear when they leave their body. That’s not how I feel deep inside about life and death.   

And I found that Thay (translation teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh) says something similar...

… to die means from someone you suddenly became no one. From something, you suddenly became nothing”.  But nothing is like that. 

A cloud, a forest, a volcano doesn’t become nothing. I am with my father, who left his body ten years ago, when I am in the produce aisle sniffing out the perfect peach or slicing vine ripened tomatoes from the garden, or cradling my head, fingers clasped at the nape of my skull to relax.

  I am walking and chatting with Emylee in the forest in Oregon, gathering fiddle leaf ferns for dinner, savoring with delight our strong pot of Hojicha tea and a homemade sweet in the afternoon. There is only continuation. 

Walking in the forest in Oregon

The view near our cabin in March 

When I can transcend the notion of birth and death, there is freedom, there is abundance of love and warmth because I am not separate just as there is no separation between life and death.These moments are welcomed with tears and sometimes sadness but also great happiness to understand the impermanence of life. I embrace this moment much more. I value this moment.

Experiences in daily life like a tragic event, a strong emotion, a personal loss can be overwhelming but if I can remember three big things: breath, impermanence, gratitude. To breathe deeply, slowly, expansively I can gain a wider perspective and awareness. To remember, I am impermanent, we are impermanent and when I remember I am immediately grateful for this moment because this moment will never happen again and we are all a lovely continuation. 

Breathing in to impermanence with gratitude.

science lesson, life lesson

I picked this chard leaf from our vegetable garden the other day and as I admired its undulations, human-like veins, saturated (untouched) color, rippling texture, I was enthralled and awed by Mother Nature. I experienced first hand, on an indescribable level, what it means to see the sun, the sky, a cloud in a leaf. Photosynthesis, right? and a poetry and art unfolding. 











Perhaps if more science teachers imbued poetry and art in the classroom, we could grasp the beauty, artistry and vitality of botany, biology, chemistry, physics at an earlier age. Thank you to the poets, dreamers and scientists.It's easy to see how food and nature fuels and feeds our bodies and minds when we pause to appreciate what's on our plates, in our gardens, in our markets and on our farms. 

We are being nourished by the sun, the rain, the clouds…This makes me very happy. Today I'm reminding myself to take good care of Mother Nature. She is a part of us, we are a part her. 

The Ocean is Bluer and Brighter

The ocean today is bluer and brighter than ever before, is that possible?

Just before Mother’s Day 18 years ago, my best friend was in an accident in which she didn’t survive . I had just come home from a walk. My husband delivered the news to me. Time stood still.  My friend had young sons, a 3 year old and an infant. My kids were maybe 2 and 6. Although it was shocking and devastating news,  I honestly believe that losing my friend, brought me further on the path of understanding, love and yes, even joy.  I’d like to share a poem that captures that feeling by Sister Dang Nghiem:

The sky is deeper blue today, because I have awareness.

The trees are more alive today, as I breathe in their greenness.

The birds are soaring higher, with my eyes following their path.

The children’s laughter is brighter, as my own lips are blooming.

And you, you are closer to me than ever, because I know myself more.

18 years ago I lost great friend who would light up a room with her smile and laugh, she personified inclusion and warmth.  Sometimes tragedy, inconceivable tragedy, if you allow your heart to open, can give rise to a great teaching, an opening, and for me it was this moment. This poem reminded me of the time when I felt like nothing was making sense and would never be the same. And then something shifted.

 I looked out over the ocean a few days later and it really was bluer, and since that day I began to see things and appreciate the extraordinary in ordinary, everyday experiences.  I guess I kind of made an inner vow that day, that my life would never be the same because I was going to appreciate more and bring more awareness to every day. My practice of kindness, love, and understanding became deeper. I don’t think I would be here today had I not woken up to the beauty of an ordinary day.

Everything is brighter and deeper because of Patty and she is infused in all that surrounds me.  There’s no separation. I am grateful.

written April 19, 2015

Son Salutation

one light, one son



 The earth revolved around the sun 24 times, today marks Canaan's 24th birthday. Canaan illuminates my life and the sun illuminates all life. I fell in love when he was born and was introduced to whom my mom referred to as, "my new friend". I am grateful to have spent the early years together. Yes; to care, feed, teach, clothe, and play and also; to have the history of just being together- sharing each other's presence, sharing breath. There's not one particular time or age, just ordinary days and months that swiftly became years to form our history, our bond. Today, we continue listening and sharing. Our bond evolves and grows.  I cherish the early days as a first time mom when we would exchange gazes and non-verbal gestures that communicated volumes. Learning and growing together; still learning, still growing. 

sun, surya

Varanasi, India on the Ganges River at sunrise- walking meditation at first light as our sangha descends down a well worn path into our narrow wooden rowboat.  As the sun rose, I began to grasp the sun's deep meaning to the people who have greeted it's magnificence here for thousands of years. We rely upon the sun to survive. Fire, earth, water, air- all a vital part of our existence. How often do I acknowledge the elements that sustain life? All life depends upon the sun but everyday I zoom-in on my minutiae and rarely look up to notice its brilliance and life sustaining energy. Do I appreciate nature and the elements that sustain me, for one inhalation and exhalation, each day?   

salutation, namaskar, namaste

I celebrate my son and celebrate the sun that quietly illuminates and sustains life and light for our planet and solar system. As I celebrate Canaan's continuation, he is my warm messenger; to remember to appreciate the sun for its precious light and warmth, to take a deep bow every now and then that emanates from my heart, surya namaskar, sun salutation. -Deeply and profoundly appreciating the earth, water, air, fire-to remember mother earth, mother nature, oneness. -A greeting at dawn, a simple and reverent way to begin. The people living near the sacred Ganges were a beautiful reminder to appreciate the sun for without it we would cease to exist. We are interconnected and share in its life-sustaining qualities every moment, in darkness and in light. 

one light, one sun, one sun lighting everyone
one world turning, one world turns for everyone... -raffi

 Canaan 2 years

Joyful Reflection

Celebrating my daughter, celebrating oneness

Seven thousand three hundred days ago, my daughter Kai Ana was born. She is 20 years old today.  When did she begin to exist?  40 weeks before her birth date while I was pregnant? That would be 7,510 days, or before that when we had an intention of wanting a second child? Or when I was a young girl knowing deep in my heart that someday, I would have a daughter? I feel I'm with Kai today even though we are separated by over a thousand miles. I feel an immense sense of gratitude to my mother and father for laying a foundation for me to have grown a family. To my courageous and strong grandmothers, whom I never met in person, but whose blood flows through me and to my ancestors from Japan to whom I am deeply connected to through blood, bones, history, and rich culture. So although Kai is over a thousand miles away, I look up at the sky,  notice the clouds roll in as the sun sets and take a deep breath, she's right here.

 I feel connected to the earth, the sky, the rain and all conditions that created Kai.  My teacher, Thay says, as parents, we are participants in our children's lives.  What a lovely way to remember. I am a participant in the front row of her life. No grasping, no holding, just knowing that she is within me and I'm within her. There is no separation and I am hugging her right now. 

Probably 7 years ago and today. No separation.

New Year's Wish for You

 To be clear, strong, and flexible

I wish for you to see things clearly as if peering into a fresh, crystal clear lake, noticing all the elements- the sand, the grasses, the diverse and beautiful microscopic culture that support the life of the lake and all elements in your life that support you.

 I wish for you to remember your strong foundation.  Imagine your favorite mountain range- Himalaya, Sierra Nevada, Andes. Firm, majestic, and always available, always a part of you. I wish for you to move forward through life's struggles knowing you come from a place of strength, firmness,and resiliency. 

 

I wish for you to be flexible and gentle, to forgive yourself and others and to know it's possible to transform difficult emotions and feelings, someday, to understanding and compassion. 

Each of you help me to cultivate peace, joy and happiness and are a constant reminder to be grateful for... just this moment.