b i g

It was just after sunrise when I began to contemplate the term continuation. A little realization woke me up that grew to be quite b i g.  It came down to breath, impermanence, and gratitude.

 Thich Nhat Hanh says "we are a lovely continuation of our parents, our ancestors, our lineage, our teachers, and loved ones. If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people."

 I understand continuation when it comes to birthdays, births, and weddings; happy occasions. But when someone I love, someone our family loves, dies suddenly, leaves her body-I’ve been learning to practice how to pivot from a well worn pattern of the life/death paradigm to that of no birth, no death.

We’ve accepted this dualistic way of thinking that creates a great divide with a host of feelings around loss.  Here in body, physically, not here physically. Alive, not alive. -as if everything was only real when our loved ones were here in the physical manifestation and that they somehow cease and disappear when they leave their body. That’s not how I feel deep inside about life and death.   

And I found that Thay (translation teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh) says something similar...

… to die means from someone you suddenly became no one. From something, you suddenly became nothing”.  But nothing is like that. 

A cloud, a forest, a volcano doesn’t become nothing. I am with my father, who left his body ten years ago, when I am in the produce aisle sniffing out the perfect peach or slicing vine ripened tomatoes from the garden, or cradling my head, fingers clasped at the nape of my skull to relax.

  I am walking and chatting with Emylee in the forest in Oregon, gathering fiddle leaf ferns for dinner, savoring with delight our strong pot of Hojicha tea and a homemade sweet in the afternoon. There is only continuation. 

Walking in the forest in Oregon

The view near our cabin in March 

When I can transcend the notion of birth and death, there is freedom, there is abundance of love and warmth because I am not separate just as there is no separation between life and death.These moments are welcomed with tears and sometimes sadness but also great happiness to understand the impermanence of life. I embrace this moment much more. I value this moment.

Experiences in daily life like a tragic event, a strong emotion, a personal loss can be overwhelming but if I can remember three big things: breath, impermanence, gratitude. To breathe deeply, slowly, expansively I can gain a wider perspective and awareness. To remember, I am impermanent, we are impermanent and when I remember I am immediately grateful for this moment because this moment will never happen again and we are all a lovely continuation. 

Breathing in to impermanence with gratitude.