Can I Take A Picture of You And Send It To The White House?

It  was MLK weekend, does that come into play here? yes and no and maybe.

We were honoring, celebrating Dr. King and Thich Nhat Hanh's energy of love through justice in a public talk, did that come into play? maybe. 



The theme of the talk, "America's Racial Karma." Did that come into play here? maybe, !%#* yes!


Someone once said, there are no coincidences, everything happens for a reason. 



Three people sharing lunch together at a deli in San Diego. One Black man, one Asian woman, one white man. As we finished our lunches, a man spoke up and hollered to us at an adjacent table without introduction, hello or warning and blurted out,  "Can I take a picture of you (all) and send it to the White House?" Our friend, who is Black and I, who am Asian sat silent even though we were seated physically closest to the man. For me, it's a way of preserving safety, not knowing where this stranger was coming from.

Why would he ask that?

He didn't ask it of any other tables in the restaurant. The white man at our table was my husband, he replied back "whose side are you on?" with ease and a soft smile. The white man at the table said something like, "once you go through Orange County it's like you're in the South." Perhaps meaning there's fewer BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color) here, more overt segregation here? Fewer people in delis who are a mix of races enjoying a bagel, dill pickles, pastrami on rye? This man who blurted out wanting to take a picture of us was obviously charged and activated and it was at our expense.

I think he was genuinely concerned about hatred, racism and separation in our country.  As the man walked out, he said he's really worried because he has grandkids. The two of us, BIPOC remained silent,  didn't engage or join in conversation. All the words were between two white men. In those seconds I realized oh, he wants to use us to make a point. Simultaneously in the same seconds it was about safety, keeping myself, my surroundings, my friend safe from misunderstanding or who knows what.

 Could I have afforded the risk to engage? To me, to my friend, my husband and those in the deli? Could I have afforded a confrontation? Did I want a confrontation?  I'm shaken and angry.

What gives you the right to interrupt us?

As we got into the car and home that day, we had a deeper conversation about the encounter. As the days progress, I'm reflecting more and deeper.  I pointed out to my husband that due to white privilege and power, he (my husband) responded to the man with humor, curiosity and ease, questioning him about whose side he was on, and could help to de-escalate the man's activation.  It's different for People of Color. It's about protection, safety, physical, emotional, and for me, deeply embodied. It's different for a woman of color. I've learned it's very different for a Black man.

If you don't know, please learn why it's different.

The legacy of white supremacy came up. Micro and macro aggression, check. white saviorism, check. white superiority, check. white exceptionalism, check. Racism, yup. Patriarchy, power and privilege, yup, yup, yup.

It's apparent to me that yes, we ended up at the deli on MLK weekend, while intentionally honoring MLK and shedding light on the kinship between two peacemakers, Dr. King and Thich Nhat Hanh, hearts of love and justice.

We were together for that reason, to invite over one hundred folks to look deeply into our racial karma, America's Racial Karma.
. 

We are all wounded, activated, in this moment, with this administration, truth is unveiled. Some are seeing more clearly, some for the first time, and it's scaring them. I think this man's fear was seeping out in a weird place and time at our table, all over us, like mustard spilling out, he couldn't contain himself, he made a mess and walked away.

We  have much work to do, we have much healing to do. There are many brave hearts who are engaged in racial justice and antiracism work that we need to honor, amplify and protect. We need more brave hearts.

And I'm not going anywhere, gonna continue to show up, and make you uncomfortable, show up at the deli with my friends and family.  And next time I hope to be brave enough to say something although in that moment, I was angry and silent. Perhaps the best thing in that moment was to not say anything while angry. Perhaps that was my meditation practice showing up. Making a vow to not speak when anger arises. I'm going to keep showing up in better ways recognizing it's always there, this separation, this discomfort of race. It will keep seeping out, harming and hurting until we acknowledge our history.

 Don't turn away. Read, educate yourself, get involved in being anti-racist. It's dangerous to think, say, believe, "I'm not racist". We live with our racialized history, it resides in our bones. We need to educate ourselves to be antiracist and work to dismantle racism.  It's an inner strength, a muscle to rebuild. I know it's  there, we need to practice to engage it. I work it more and more everyday.

And no, you can't take a picture of us and send it to the White House. 
We are not on display for you.
We are not a prop for you.
We are not objects, a curiosity.
We are not here to make you feel better.

Do your work. Do the hard work.

And I will continue to do mine


Suggestions for practice and action-if you want to "Combat Racism, Change the World and Become a Good Ancestor" read  "me and white supremacy" by Layla F. Saad and  "How to be an Antiracist" by Ibram X. Kendi.  Good places to begin and continue, one day at a time.


May we heal white supremacy. May we all be safe and free. May we all be loved. May we all know true justice.  For the benefit of all beings.