grief has many faces

hand etched Tibetan prayers
Solukhumbu, Nepal 

Buddhist sutras etched on stone, impacted by the earthquake in Nepal,  2015

 

all that is dear to me and everyone i love are of the nature to change. 

there is no way to escape being separated from them. 

    ~Subjects for Contemplation, Upajjhatthana Sutta, one of the the five remembrances

Shinto Shrine, Miyajima Island, Japan

 a friend gifted me a jizo statue. a trio of us, BIPOC* women, meet with our commitment to work with resiliency tools and toys to metabolize trauma related to race.

Jizo on the windowsill

 jizo aka kshitigarbha, is a garden bodhisattva/awakened being of children and travelers, she protects unborn babies and children who have died before their parents, protecting them as guardians of their parents. jizo arrived after roe v. wade was overturned in 2022. we were shaken. we were angry. this unprecedented, historic event shook open old fields of grief. we shared and processed our emotions of loss and trauma. we shared together through practices of somatic abolitionism* developed and honed over nearly three years of practice and study regularly together. these are specific energy resources in all our bodies developed by Resmaa Menakem.  

it's taken a long time to fully embrace the healing facets of jizo, to recognize grief has many faces, many moon cycles to process and feel the power of letting grief surface, ebb and flow like the tide. 

here is a piece to honor and grieve my little ones, potential little beings i still hold dear and love, to respect the healing origin of jizo in Japan, homeland to respected ancestors and teachers. 

this is also a time to warn i'll be sharing about loss including abortion and miscarriage. 

 

Ancestral rituals to heal kokoro~heart mind essence

photo image of Lotusland botanic garden, California

i hold this beautiful black, heavily weighted iron jizo in my hand to honor and name those not meant to be that were once a part of me, their energy never fully mourned. 

 

privately, many decades ago, i experienced an abortion. a few years ago i was ready to confide to a circle of close friends a secret i held tightly for decades.  it turned out it was not the right time or circle. i thought there was an opening to show up more honestly and was met with silence. it felt like a sign to find another way to share and admit a deep loss where i could trust and be witnessed to tell my story. surprisingly, little awakenings has become one such place. 

privately, many decades ago i also experienced a miscarriage. i was 18 weeks pregnant with much anticipation welling up inside as my body&mind seemed to change and grow each day. my partner and i were to have our first baby. i hadn't given this monumental loss the space it deserved to fully grieve.  the process of finding out i was no longer pregnant in a routine exam by my capable ob/gyn was shocking. part of what added to the abrupt loss was a felt sense of detachment from the doctor. my physical needs were met with good medical care and luckily ample health insurance.  very few seemed to want to talk about "what to expect" when you've experienced a miscarriage, even the word miscarriage still holds a kind of cool, nebulous distance.  today, i mourn and mark two moments that deserve pause, spaciousness and stillness to honor and grieve, to accept the causes and conditions of significant life-changing loss. 

Buddhapada, iconic footprint of the Buddha, Obama, Nagasaki, Japan

jizo has been a balm for me, looking at her, holding her, knowing that countless people grieve, i am not separate from the those who have experienced heavy loss. some continue to call in jizo, adorn her with handmade hats and clothes. temples in Japan are often lined with jizo statues along pathways and on altars. 

Jizo's align the pathway, Japan

collectively, this spring, some friends held a grief circle to remember and cherish transitions.  a small group of us who met ten years ago through end-of-life training, we gathered in our home where we stood under stars and night sky. we convened around a fire ceremony grieving transitions and passings of loved ones. we released relationships shifting and changing, mourned the loss of Black and Brown lives to police violence and anti-Black, anti-Indigenous, anti-Asian, anti-Immigrant, anti-LGBTQIA+ violence while acknowledging our Earth in her transition of laboring with the climate crisis. we offered images, names, personal memories into the fire. 

all that is dear to us and everyone we love are of the nature to change. there is no way to escape being separated from them. 

we took care of the many faces of grief through ceremony. 

please pause and perhaps listen-Quietude R. Carlos Nakai

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKZEBv2K93o

collectively, our community gathers each summer to dance in a circle,  Bon Dori, a Buddhist Japanese ritual folk dance to remember those who have transitioned and become ancestors. this year i'll dance with the energy of jizo at Bon Dori. traditional taiko drums and shakuhachi, bamboo flutes will help guide our ancestors back home. we will be surrounded by family, ancestors, and descendants.  

Bon Odori

Bon Odori Senshin Temple, Los Angeles

 remembering all who have passed and transitioned 

inviting us to take good care of ourselves and each other. grief might be ebbing and flowing to those known or not known yet. hoping you have rituals to help heal, recover, and replenish kokoro and community to hold you tenderly. 

morning flower offering, Nepal

*BIPOC-Black Indigenous People of Color, people of the global majority

*Somatic Abolitionism, "an individual and communal effort to free our bodies-and our country-from their long enslavement to white body supremacy and racialized trauma." ://www.resmaa.com/movement