good grief

          we should live everyday like people who have been rescued from the moon

             

                            Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear

welcome ancestors, welcome community,  

when you're open, your senses and body resourced, this essay is centered around attentiveness toward grief and anger, not turning away. practices for support are shared for you. 

my mother used the phrase good grief as her expletive when she had strong emotions. as kids we knew she was seriously angry, frustrated, deeply touched, even sad when she used the phrase. i celebrated quietly what would be my mother's 102nd birthday on august 5. and august 6th and 9th, we commemorated the 81st year since the u.s. dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan-where my relations and ancestors reside. 

summer is Bon Dori(Obon)season where we remember and celebrate our ancestors and welcome them back through an evening of outdoor folk dance wearing yukata (traditional clothing), enjoying Japanese food while inviting the element of fire-oil lamps, lanterns, candles, bonfires to guide spirit back.  

candle lighting ceremony, Senshin Buddhist Temple, LA, CA 

 good grief ~ i miss my mother, i know she is all around, in my sister's voices and mine, in every cell of my body. i still miss her voice. accepting that her physical presence is no longer here; i dance with community remembering all our loved ones and feel mom's voice.

 good grief ~ i meet sorrow with a soft smile and compassion of the bodhisattva Kannon/Avalokiteshvara, the awakened being dedicated to freedom for all beings. i chant with my commitment to freedom and liberation excluding no one. 

Namo’valokiteshvaraya Chant 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZkjX_c4hm4

Bon dancing, all are welcome, calling in our ancestors 

good grief ~ i remember love and grief interare, they co-exist. walking meditation helps to calm my breath and body. with each step, i feel solid and free. 

  Dr. Larry Ward once said, 

    "our grief work is probably the most important thing we can do at this time of awakening."

 if we're not feeling some form of grief, sorrow, anger as citizens of humanity, when would we?

making time for ritual of folk dance, chanting, walking meditation to remember, to care.  i settle my senses, calm my nervous system. 

 what does good grief have to teach? a question arose related to ancestors and i chose a tarot card.  how will my ancestors, human and non-human, accompany me on this journey?

i chose the ghost card*, it read in part, 

    "i am your history, i was smuggled across the Pacific and the sea swallowed me. The border between past and present is illusory. I am always walking among you. I made you a person of this land, it's not just a story, past is not irrelevant." 

if i imagine i was smuggled across the Pacific through space and time, what would that mean?  was i destined to be here, live here, in these times? pervasive poverty and opportunities were slim for farmers and laborers, like my grandparents to-be. they experienced poverty, fear of  chōhei-sei (conscription into the Japanese  military) in the late 1800s. they took a risk to the unknown. 

enso by Kazuaki Tanahashi brushmind.net

the ghost or shadow need not be feared, it's part of what has made me. what do i have to fear? i was once intimate with the sea, our people made up of the energy of waves, seaweed, sea-life, microscopic beings. we are immense and deep like the sea and with the capacity to heal. we have healing properties not yet known or understood. 

if the sea swallowed us, it doesn't mean it was a hostile act, what if she welcomed us, cared for, transformed, nourished us?  what if she transmitted boundless gifts in ways we had not imagined.  in the sea,  vastness, strength, and endurance supported us naturally. what if the sea accepted and loved us just as we are? 

in human form i am from an island nation, from the southern part of Japan. we lived near rivers and the sea, felt the pull of the tides, surrounded by water. satoimo, gobo, daikon, okome** rooted us to land, their seeds and tubers smuggled across the sea hold the cosmos. 

 

"Take tender care of your anger, with mindfulness . . . don't suppress it . . . it is you." 

                                -Thich Nhat Hanh

 

  

 with tender care, i am with the heaviness of grief and anger as an important practice requiring attentiveness, not suppression. remember, recall our rituals that honor grief and loss with time, stillness, and ceremony.

  with tender care, welcoming it amidst all the loss of people, of environmental harm, of places impacted by war, genocide, racism, earthquake, wildfire, flood, state sanctioned violence and kidnapping. the People of Palestine, Sudan, Burma, Lebanon, Ukraine, Brown and Black People detained, children separated from parents and more.  

Our grief work is probably the most important thing we can do at this time of awakening as a society, to heal the places in us and in our country that have not known love. 

                         —Dr. Larry Ward

enso by Kazuaki Tanahashi~ brushmind.net

 at home Nolan Wells' name is near my meditation cushion, i learned he was born on August 19, 2007, not yet 19 years old.  this month we memorialize Larry Ward who died on August 19. 

good grief

feeling Larry would be heartbroken, still imploring us to stand up in our humanity through tears and trembles to tend to all our emotions, especially grief.  

i continue to pray and meditate for Nolan Wells, his family and community; for accountability and justice. I grieve that his life was short. I celebrate the young, bright, talented, son, brother, friend he was to so many. 

i place my heart with Nolan Wells' parents and siblings.

i ask that we pause for nineteen moments, nineteen breaths. august 19th will be Nolan's 19th birthday and one year memorial of Dharmacharya and friend, Dr. Larry Ward. 

two Black men, gone too soon. 

good grief.

Gassho, palms together, 

Namu Amida Butsu (bowing to the Buddha of Wisdom and Compassion), 

true moon dwelling

judy yushin nakatomi

        Those who pursue the truth are members of the community of             truth speakers and reformers throughout time and space.

                    

                    Thich Nhat Hanh, Fragrant Palm Leaves

 

 practices for support~

Walking meditation-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLLWQG7T1rA

How to Walk, Thich Nhat Hanh 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOHz8Mfjiu0

 

Obon dance for our ancestors

*open in emergency from Asian American Literary Review https://www.aalrmag.org/shop/p/asian-american-tarot-2nd-edition.

** Japanese potato, burdock root, Japanese radish